Tuesday, October 5, 2010
A Bitter pill to swallow.
This time of year always makes me reflective.Reflective on what I have lost.In 1995,I lost my first baby,Cailtlin Elizabeth who was stillborn one day before her due date,I had a very very bad Dr while I was pregnant with her,and I was very young and did not know to question his judgement .Her Birth/death date was Sept 27th.She would have been 15 if she had lived!Then K.J. came alonghealthy and happy,and3 months later I was pregnant with our sick baby Emily Anne who had 4 heart surgeries in 4 months time.She was born June 9th,just 1 month after K.J. turned 1.She smiled all the time,even though she felt horrible.She would be 12 right now if she had lived.Life throws us lots of curve balls.The second curve ball,with Emily knocked the wind out of my sails.I remember the Mayo clinic had to call a shrink for me,I was doing so badly,and screaming at the top of my lungs.I remember Kevin pulling a picture out of his wallet of a sweet little 18 month old baby boy who was home waiting for his mama,and I knew then,I had 2 choices.I could curl up in a ball and stop living,or I could take this into me,and use it to make me a stronger person....I chose the later.I'm not saying I don't think of them and have weepy days,I do.Especially as I see K.J. growing up.I think of the two that never will.This is my point though.Life sometimes throws you one hell of a curve ball that will knock you flat down...what are your options?you have illness?Dysautonomia?POTS?MS,RA?Are you going to be one who lays down in a ball and refuses to go on with this wonderful roller coaster ride called life,or are you going to pick yourself back up,brush yourself off,and be ready for the next curve ball?